Yuck! That's disgusting!

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think "yuck! I look disgusting!"?

Ha! You have, haven't you? Your eyes just got wide cause you're wondering how I knew that.

Would you believe me if I said that the majority of women, regardless of their physical beauty, have experienced this shock? One of our most basic needs as women is to feel beautiful. Notice I used the word "feel", because reality doesn't matter, does it? It's all about how we feel.

So what comes after the tragic mirror sighting? A little panic sets in, insecurity rocks our world , and fear of rejection grips us. One or all of these drive us to great lengths to fix the situation. We put on more make-up, try on every piece of clothing in our closet, console ourselves with comfort food, seek out a man to make us feel beautiful.

Where am I going with this?

Well, my point is that when God's Word mirrors just how disgusting our flesh is, we have a "YUCK" reaction then too. We are driven to "fix" ourselves before anyone rejects us, or before more people reject us. Our pride is insulted at being seen this way and desires to restore us to any former glory we might have had.

So, honestly, when you finished reading the list of the flesh in the last post, did you see some thing or many things in your self that made you feel ugly? I bet you thought "I'm such a terrible person". Don't worry, it happens to all of us. You might be tempted to walk away from this exercise of identifying your flesh, to find some way to distract yourself, to find something to cheer yourself up. I was expert at doing that. Some of my "go tos" were to sit down and watch television, watch movies, read a romance book, eat, go shopping, try to make my ministry more flashy so that people would notice, dream up some flashy ministry so that people would notice, avoid doing things I wasn't good at, try to make friends, try to make someone, anyone, love me, satisfy my wants. We'll do anything to avoid feeling bad about ourselves and get angry at anything or anyone that gets in our way.

Why through all those years hadn't I seen the jealousy in my life as sin? I was doing what flesh does so well. I was making loads of excuses. I was making it someone else's fault. I was too busy making it seem not so bad. It is hard to be so deflated and disillusioned about yourself without trying to pump yourself up again. It's too uncomfortable to stay in that weak place.

What is the flesh anyway? How do I uncover it?

At one point, I started asking myself this simple question, "is this the flesh or the Spirit talking"?

Amazingly, the more I asked, the more I uncovered, til the Spirit had opened my eyes to a pretty little list on my flesh and its marks. These are some of the things I discovered hadn't been so obvious to me.

My flesh is behind the desire to feel good about myself.

My flesh has an insatiable appetite so that when I feed it, it only demands more.

My flesh always puts me first, asking "how does this affect me?".

When I feel threatened, feel "hurt", fear rejection, that's my flesh.

When I want others to see me and what I'm doing, that's my flesh.

When I refuse to suffer, that's my flesh.

Do you want to find your flesh where it is lurking about?

Watch for these signs: guilt, anger, rage, jealousy, fear, self-love, self-hate, self-pity, self-sufficiency, revenge, insecurity, conflict, envy, gluttony, lust, deception, hate, hurt, discouragement, comparing, complaining, rebellion, and rivalry just to name a few.

You are not going to find these things out in the open. This is the kind of stuff we keep hidden so well from those around us, we almost forget they are there.

But your flesh is there, like snakes in a basement, one or the other sneaks up and bites you "where the sun don't shine" as my daddy used to say. This is the essence of what trips us up, what makes us feel that we aren't growing spiritually, what makes us so tired of ourselves.

I know this is uncomfortable, maybe even depressing, but stay with me. Be honest with God, He's not frightened by your ugliness. Your flesh doesn't surprise Him.