A Shaky Foundation

As a child, I wanted to be heard and I hated being ignored, so I developed a habit of talking, allot. This "habit" included constantly repeating myself, talking louder than those around me, and even worse, interrupting someone already talking. When you talk like that, people tune you out, or avoid you altogether. Unfortunately, I didn't get that memo, but I did begin to sense that people didn't want to be around me.
Panic! This was not good!
I needed those people to make me feel "ok", losing them just made me feel desperate, which in turn made me more annoying. You can see where I'm going with this. My behavior drove away the very people I needed in order to feel affirmed.

Eventually, just being heard was not satisfying enough, I needed others to agree with me. It was not okay knowing someone disagreed, that was equivalent to being wrong! (tremors and shudders) What tactic did I use if I couldn't get them to agree? I simply said it again, repeatedly, as if repetition would convince them that I was right.

My need to be heard along with my annoying behavior, presented quite the dilemma. The value gained by one was constantly being eroded by the other. Victimized by my own voice, I was my worst enemy. To this day, I still stiffen at being told to stop talking or that I am too loud. I can still feel desperate inside at being overlooked or slighted.  It takes me right back to shaky ground and I instinctively reach out for my flesh to make me feel confident about myself.

When your confidence is shaken, what do you instinctively reach out for?
Why are you loved? What do you have to do in order to be loved?
What are you good at? Why do people usually compliment you?
How many ways are you successful at feeling good about yourself?
Like a magician who pulls the rabbit out of his hat for applause, what do you pull out of your bag of tricks to get pumped up when you feel down?

This forms the foundation of what makes you confident, of what gives you value, unfortunately, it is a foundation made up of little grains of sand. Those little grains of sand always keep shifting.