My Life is NOT my Own

Paul wrote to the Corinthians A.D.53-54
"Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge.
Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord [for we walk by faith, not by sight] we are of good courage, I say,
and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.
Therefore also we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.
For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died;
and He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
Therefore from now on we recognize no man according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh; yet now we know Him thus no longer. Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

to the Galatians A.D.55
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me."

to the Romans A.D.57
"For not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself; for if we live, we live for the Lord or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord's."

to the Colossians A.D.60-61
"For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory."

to the Philippians A.D.62
"my hope that with all boldness, Christ shall even now, as always, be exalted in my body,
whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, to die is gain.
But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I don't know which to choose.
But I am hard-pressed from both directions having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. And convinced of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith."

Do you understand what Paul is writing here to the Philippians? He is in prison right now, and he doesn't know which to choose, to live or to die. Wait a minute! Wouldn't it be normal for us all to prefer to live? But then again, if I were in prison, I probably would rather die. I, of course would be choosing based on what was best for me. Not Paul! His primary desire is not for his own good, which would, for him, mean death, but for the good of others and for the preaching of the Gospel. Don't you get the idea that Paul sees life in the flesh as second best? Weird.
Sometimes I feel like I need to stand on my head in order to "get" Paul.