breaking.crushing.rising

No show of weakness is more bitter than when you were expecting yourself to show great strength.

Conversation in the Upper Room
Jesus: you will all fall away, because it is written, 'I will strike down the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered'.
Peter: Oh, not me, even if all these others run away, I won't.
(disciples turn and glare at Peter)
Jesus: Simon, Simon, (sighing deeply)
 Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have been restored, strengthen your brothers.
Peter: Lord, I am ready to go to prison or death with You!
Jesus: No, Peter, actually, this very night before the cock crows you will have denied me three times.
Peter: Not so, I will die first before denying You.

Mark 14:27-31

Luke 22:31-34

How could Peter have been so far off from reality?
Jesus, who knows all hearts, hears all of Peter's bravado and sees right through him. He knows that His impetuous follower is really very weak and will crumple under fear. Why does He not seem dismayed by this? How can he not grow weary with Peter and give up on him?

I think, "You are not as strong as you think you are, Peter. Sure you sliced off an ear in the name of defending the Lord, but when it really mattered, you couldn't even stay awake to pray for Him or acknowledge you even knew Him." Then again, I shouldn't be too quick to throw accusations his way, being that I am just as prone to miscalculate.
In his defense, I'm not sure what shocks me more, that Satan has demanded permission to put Peter through the wringer, or that the Lord gives it to him. At first, I feel a little indignant at setting Peter up to appear weak. Why not let him be strong, why expose him to this humiliation?
Few things can get me more riled up than feeling like I've been set up to fail. I don't like having my weaknesses forced out into the open, put on parade for others to judge me.

Jesus shows compassion, however, reassuring Peter, promising to pray that his faith won't fail.
Do you suppose He does that for us too?
"If you do, Lord, do you think you might be able to change it up a little to pray that I won't fail, because I really hate failing?"
You know what I can hear Him saying to that?
"My grace is enough, for my power is accomplished through your weakness".
Right!
I need to be realistic, Lord, I fail you.
What does that failure say about me?
Why does it discourage me so much?

Jesus promises that something good is to come out of Peter's failure; Peter will strengthen his brothers.
Failure, it would appear, is not the final verdict, not the 'end of it all', as I am likely to perceive it.

My husband and I finally finished what we started 26 years ago and went on our honeymoon to Cozumel this past year. It's funny how we can know something, but not know how little we really know it. I discovered that in the ocean at Cozumel; I came to know, more fully than ever, that God is the Master Creator of color. How I appreciated His incredible design of my eyes to see the vision of His beautiful colors!

This Master Creator and Designer has a vision for our failures!
They are like blank canvases, on which we can choose to pick up the brush and try to paint something by number, or we can choose to hand it over to the Master Painter, who will cover it with vibrant colors and designs.

When I was first writing this, I thought "what was the point of having to crush Peter?"
But then something happened this Sunday at the remembrance supper of the Lord. I was reminded of those words in Isaiah 53 "He was crushed for our iniquities." With shame, I realized that I wasn't standing up for Peter, I was standing up for myself, protesting God's methods of breaking me. Am I really that egotistical?
Could I ever have weakness thrust upon me that would come anywhere close to the weakness that Jesus faced that night?  My Savior would hold back His strength, allowing Himself to be beaten, tortured and mocked, to be falsely accused and sentenced to death by crucifixion.

One of my sweetest childhood memories of my dad is seeing and hearing him hit the chorus of  Ray Overholt's song and boom,
"He could have called ten thousand angels
to destroy the world and set Him free,
He could have called ten thousand angels,
but He died alone for you and me."
Turns out, it was closer to a hundred thousand angel army. matthew 26:53
Uh-huh, that's right, Peter, He didn't need you!

So in the greatest paradox of all, what looked like defeat was really victory!
God "having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This He set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him."
colossians 2

The tears flow now.
I feel so small, and that seems so right.
Then it hits me.

Perhaps, the greatest display of strength isn't really in appearing strong, but in holding it back and allowing yourself to be weak.