When Jonah got himself comfortable, with a good view of Ninevah, and waited to see what would happen, did he think that cosmic justice would come through? Is that what he was waiting for?
Why shouldn't he? These people were brutal conquerors, proud of their dominance, ruthless in their attacks, ripping open the bellies of pregnant women. They deserved to be wiped off the face of the earth. Is there not such a thing as evil that goes far beyond the reach of any compassion?
But Jonah knew that God wouldn't see it that way.
These wicked people had repented, and God, just as Jonah had predicted, relented from destroying them. Jonah became angry at God for His compassionate nature, bitter with Him for showing grace and mercy toward such evil people. This was exactly why Jonah had avoided Ninevah in the first place.
David wrote, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. He will not always strive with us; nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities." Psalm 103:10
Did you see that? He has not dealt with us according to our deeds. God is not bound by the law of karma! Hallelujah!
Jonah, familiar with David's words, says "I knew that about You, O Lord", except he wasn't saying them as words of praise. "I knew that about You", burned like drops of acid, and to finish off his tirade, Jonah concluded, "Lord, just kill me now, I would rather die then suffer like this." My goodness! Jonah is suffering because God is compassionate. This doesn't make any sense! What kind of heart despises someone for his goodness?
How could Jonah despise God's grace?
How can we?
"But I don't!", you say.
Sure about that?
What is there to hate about grace? According to my flesh, there is plenty.
Hard to imagine isn't it?
Have you ever been made to feel useless, irrelevant, unwanted? Have you ever been tossed aside, pushed out to make room for something better, rejected, made to feel like what you have to offer isn't good enough? That's how flesh "feels" about grace. Grace dismisses every effort of my flesh as obsolete, no, more than that, as useless, as worthless.
My flesh and I like to think that we are good enough, or at least, better, better than something, anything, even just one thing. We believe in our ability to be good, and desire to prove it to the world around us.
Are you clinging to little bits of your own goodness, still hoping that you can pull through and make a "good" show of it for everyone? You are very likely despising grace.
Grace. What does grace and my goodness have in common? Absolutely nothing. Grace cancels out all my good, makes all my good efforts worthless.
My flesh and I agree that we don't need help, we like to think of ourselves as very self-sufficient. We don't like being dependent on others, or having to ask for help, because we can do it by ourselves.
Do you find it too difficult to accept help? Are you proud of being self-sufficient?
You'll find it hard to accept grace.
Grace declares me inadequate, inferior, defective, imperfect. Grace is only beautiful to me when I am broken, completely emptied and spiritually destitute.
My flesh and I are not only independent, but we are very confident in our efforts as well, so confident, that even when we screw things up, we are shocked. "How could we have messed up so badly!", we cry.
Do you take pride in your achievements, relish in the satisfaction of receiving what you have earned?
Grace will leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
Grace rejects all my self effort, wipes it out, obliterates it. Grace gives unwarranted good to me when I have made a royal mess of things. What grace gives to me is everything that I can't possibly earn.
Grace says bluntly, "You are undeserving."
My flesh reacts to that with fierce self defense. It says that I deserve better, loves to stop the game and whip out the "unfair" card, when I get less than I deserve.
Grace says I can't pay the debt I owe, leaving me forever indebted to someone Superior.
I hate feeling inferior; I hate being indebted.
What is grace worth to you?
The value of Grace only grows as you see the overwhelming immensity of your sin. Only then can you fully appreciate that where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more, and be grateful for the tidal wave of grace, rather than see it as an opportunity to sin more.
The only way that I can suffer according to the will of God is to be completely surrendered to His justice, a justice that procured for me forgiveness of sin, of which every single tiny molecule of my flesh is helplessly and wretchedly undeserving.
When I started this chapter on suffering, I had no idea that, in pursuing the truth of God's justice, I would end up soaking in His grace. But there you have it, and I wouldn't want to suffer without it.
Amazing, isn't it!
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