Here's a funny thing.
And when I say "funny", I mean ironic.
I started noticing a correlation between what I valued and what I feared.
I wanted people to like me, so my biggest fear was rejection.
Being useful made me feel valuable, therefore, I feared not being needed.
Giving my opinion made me feel significant, while, not being consulted caused me to fear that I was insignificant. I liked being the one that others confided in, but not being the first to hear the news, made me feel insecure about my importance.
Now here's that funny thing.
Most of the time we presume that to avoid loss, one must accumulate more. But have you ever thought about the fact that the more you gain the more you have to lose. Hence, rather than solving the problem of loss, we magnify it. We can never fully achieve, never fully have all those things that make us feel good about ourselves. If these things increase our sense of worth, then it stands to reason that the loss of any one can decrease it.
Were you hoping to gain confidence, be more secure? Ooops
I'm guessing that's not working out too well for you.
Remember that closet of values?
For each item that gives you value, a fear is built in with it.
Can you ever get enough significance, enough value built up so as to block out all fears completely?
You tell me...
Beauty
Fear Whatever makes me feel ugly
a good Body image
Fear Getting fat/looking fat
your Abilities
Fear someone better than me
the Admiration of important people
Fear What others say
when others show you Appreciation
Fear being overlooked
getting Praise
Fear Criticism
being treated Fairly,
Fear Injustice
attention from Men (boyfriend/husband/father)
Fear Abandonment, never getting married
having a Child
Fear Criticism of my children, not having any
Making lots of money
Fear being poor
being involved in Ministries
Fear Ministry given to another
a Position of importance
Fear not being consulted
Being right
Fear Being wrong
being Perfect
Fear less than perfect
not Disappointing others
Fear Making mistakes
when others have a Good Opinion of you
Fear What others think
when you receive Approval
Fear Disapproval
making Friends
Fear rejection
your friends Prefer you
Fear being excluded, being hurt
being Popular
Fear being laughed at
Accomplishments
Fear failures
We tend to push them away to some dark corner where we don't have to ever see them again, pretend they don't exist, but then at just the tiny little mention of them, tears well up in our eyes.
Why do fears have such influence over us? Why do they seem to control us?
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