The little pig who wished she was pink

This is the story of a little pig who lived in the barn and played in the mud everyday.
She was happy and content, free to wander and roll in all her favorite mud ponds.
One day, however, she spied a little pig playing outside with the children.
This little pig lived at the house and had such beautiful pink skin. She was loved and cherished and pampered. The children hugged her and called her sweet names.
The little dirty barnyard pig looked on, thinking "I'm not much different from that little pig, I wonder why no one hugs me like that?" The little pig's happy and contented thoughts vanished, and in their place was an intense longing to be just like the house pig. Then she noticed that she was covered in mud while the other pig was all clean and pretty and pink. Of course, she concluded, it is the clean, pink skin that makes her worthy of being hugged.  The little pig eagerly headed off in search of water where she could wash off all the mud and find happiness.
Suddenly, an awful thought stopped her in her tracks. What if underneath the mud she was not really pink? What if, after washing off, she discovered that she was not really worthy of being hugged, not really beautiful like the other pig? Fear wrapped its bands around her little heart and she was paralyzed by it. "It's not the mud that makes me unhuggable," she thought with horror, "it's that I'm not good enough." More than anything, she wanted to have pink skin, to be hugged and loved. Without that she could never be happy.
But on the other hand, she couldn't bear the thought that what she feared might be true. The fear of discovering that she wasn't lovable grew to be greater than her desire to be loved. That fear drove her straight back to the mud pit. Her only refuge now was to put on more mud, hide behind a thicker layer. She couldn't stray far from the mud now, because it was her only place of security. As long as she stayed there, she didn't have to face that awful fear again.
At times she felt trapped and wanted to be free, but at the slightest hint that she was losing a layer of mud, she resigned herself to her fate. She lived just like she always did, only now, instead of making her happy and content, the mud reminded her that she will never, ever be good enough to be hugged.
Is she happy like this? No, but what other choice does she have?

Why is the pig unhappy? Is she right to conclude that something is wrong with her? Her life would not be miserable now if she hadn't compared her situation to the other little pig. Is it fair that one pig gets treated better than another?

Do you ever think you aren't good enough? Does that make you unhappy? To whom are you comparing yourself?

Like the little barnyard pig, we are resigned to eternal wallowing. We add layer upon layer to hide behind something. We put up walls to block everyone out. It might be fat, depression, anger, rebellion, self-harm, alcohol, drugs, even obnoxious behavior. Our wall keeps others away or distracts from the real pain, the real fear. We provide a reason to be rejected, so that we can't be rejected for the awful fear that we've worked so hard to keep covered. But no matter how deeply we bury it, we are still desperately unhappy, still fear being seen for who we are, still wish someone would love us anyway, still confident they won't, because we don't deserve it.

But what really is the awful fear?
How do you know if it is even true?
Deep down, all of us have faced the fear at one point or another that we really don't matter, we are not worthy of being loved. This may be why the world is so obsessed with "you've got to believe in yourself" psychology. Just in case you might be worried that I'm heading towards pop psychology, take it easy, that's not my goal.
My desire is that you not be deceived by the flesh. I believe the Bible tells us to crucify the flesh, not comfort and console it.
It took a long time, but I finally realized that I can't have it both ways, ie. I can't have my cake and eat it too. Flesh and Spirit do not join forces to improve on, or fix what I don't like about myself. The answer to your fear is NOT going to come from within you, nor will it come from those around you.

The other day I was reading in Isaiah and came upon these verses.

"Who among you fears the Lord 
and obeys his servant? 

That person may walk in the dark 
and have no light. 

Then let him trust in the Lord 
and yet depend on his God. 

But instead, 
some of you want to light your own fires 
and make your own light. 

So, go, walk in the light of your fires 
and trust your own light to guide you. 

But this is what you will receive from Me; 
you will lie down in a place of pain (torment)." 

Isaiah 50:10-11 New Century Version

Scenario: You are in the dark. What do you do?
Do you get some sparks to build your own pitiful little fire in order to feel okay, to light your path?
Or do you trust in the Lord and depend totally on Him, even if it means you stay in the darkness a while longer?