There is a slippery slope to this dying thing that I must warn you about.
I'll illustrate by using the struggle with jealousy that I mentioned before, specifically in the area of wanting to be pregnant. How do you suppose I felt when I saw a pregnant woman, or heard that exciting announcement, "we're having a baby?" It was so hard to resist my flesh, but I didn't want to live in that jealousy anymore, so I would fight back, saying to myself, "NO! Don't go there, Amy! drop it and back away."
Would I hesitate, or would I do it?
Well sometimes I felt powerless to resist the pull; it was just too appealing to want to back away. Sometimes I felt like it was the other way around, that jealousy had its claws in me and wouldn't let go. And sometimes there was victory! Woo-hoo! I would back away from my flesh, my mind blown away by the realization that it was all in God's power and none of my own.
Unfortunately, I often backed into a slippery slope that led to a pit where I could wallow in self-pity.
What is self-pity anyway? I like to think of it as compassion turned in on myself. To be honest, I loved going there; feeling sorry for myself is comforting in an oddly warm and sticky sort of way. We all need a little compassion, don't we? What's so wrong with making sure I get a little?
This slippery slope is just more of flesh's deception, and guarantees that its desires and lusts live on to be awakened again. Self-pity is actually a way of avoiding the death sentence. It is our reaction to not being good enough, when we want to be wanted. It is our reaction to suffering, when we want to be comfortable. It is our reaction to disappointment, when things don't go our way.
Oswald Chambers said,
"No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self-interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges - always absorbing, never giving, and never being satisfied. And there is nothing lovely or generous about our lives."
How familiar are you with this slippery slope to sin?
