To my fellow joggers:

*Things you need to know for this race,

1) in your fight against sin, you've barely begun to resist, so know that there is much more to come, hang on, stay steady, don't collapse yet
2) remember your charge as sons, expect discipline; the Father disciplines his children, it means He loves you, don't dismiss it and don't faint.
3) it is for discipline that you endure; it is for your good, for your sanctification.
4) no discipline ever seems to be joyful, so don't be surprised if it makes you sad.
5) strengthen your weak hands and feeble knees
6) watch your path; choose a straight one, so that the injured leg can heal and not suffer more injury.
7) do everything you can to be at peace with everyone, no fighting or bickering allowed on the race.
8) be on the watch for stragglers, for those who may have dropped off along the wayside.
9) don't let bitterness grow roots in your heart, it's like breathing toxic fumes when you need oxygen.
10) don't indulge the flesh, no matter how much pampering it demands, it will always result in a loss of blessing.

*[taken from the Hebrews12 manual for runners]

Finally, know this:
You will make it,
because finishing is guaranteed by the One who already went before you.
He has passed through the Heavens and guarantees you a fantastic finish as long as you don't give up.

Accept NO Imitations

If offered the choice of enduring weakness or acting defeated, which one would you choose?

What do you think?
Does weakness automatically imply defeat?
Is defeat a foregone conclusion to being weak?
Now back to the question.
If offered the choice of enduring weakness or being defeated, which one would you choose?
Or maybe I should say, which one do you normally choose?
I know which one my flesh would choose.
My flesh prefers defeat, and I'm not talking about the magnificent kind of defeat that God produces when He breaks us, but of the sickly, pitiful, whiny kind I usually succumb to.

As a case study goes, my flesh has provided lots of activity for me to observe. You might say I've become an expert on the subject. Here are a few of my observations.
Defeat is my flesh protecting itself, refusing to be broken by God.
Defeat is the choice my pride makes when it comes face to face with its own weakness and refuses to accept it. Accepting defeat is less risky and less work than accepting weakness. As crazy as it sounds, defeat is really just my easy way out, the shortcut to end the process quickly, and the easy way is always more appealing to my flesh.
Like a fly caught in a spider's web, flesh entangles me with appealing deception.
Flesh would have me believe that weakness is bad, would have me keep resisting weakness until I feel defeated. Flesh would have me believe that I can't endure weakness, so be discouraged. It's safer and much more comfortable. Flesh would have me believe that hope has let me down, but conveniently leave out the small detail that it was hope in myself that failed me, not God. Flesh would offer me a poor imitation to dying to self, so that, I can mope in my misery, rather than experience victory. Flesh would have me believe I have no choice but to wallow.
That's the deceptive nature of flesh.

I am a dead man walking, starting every day with a death sentence. Weakness is one of the tools God uses to bring about that death. But until I accept that, weakness will just as easily lead me down the path of my flesh, straight to self-pity, guilt, anger, discouragement, and my pride's insatiable need for independence.
You know how our human nature thinks? It is better to have fought our own battle and lost, than to have asked for help from others, better to be discouraged and mope in failure, than to admit to myself how weak and needy I am. How often I have delayed the Lord's blessings because I chose to stay disappointed in myself, stuck in the cycle of cynicism and bitterness, rather than admit my weakness and total reliance on Him.
Stop resisting weakness and accept it!
Because in that weakness, God will break you, and brokenness is the sacrifice that pleases Him.
Refuse to be defeated!
We can't afford to let ourselves believe that we are justified in giving up, or that defeat equals dying to self. Our weakness is the clay jar to display God's power. We may be squeezed all around, but we are never crushed; confused, but never to the point of despair; tortured, but never alone; beaten down, but impossible to destroy.
Remember Hannah's prayer,
"The bows of the mighty are shattered, but the feeble bind on strength."
Weakness is your strength!
Strap it on, and accept no imitations!

Spiritual Marathoner

I'm not much into jogging. The idea doesn't appeal to me. Never done a marathon, and doubt seriously that I ever will. That is, I've never participated in a running kind of marathon. Now, if we are talking about a marathon of Jane Austen movies? That I can do.
There is this big difference.
When I settle down with my coffee and knitting to embark on hours of movie watching, not a single doubt as to whether I can make it to the end ever crosses my mind.
When I approach running in my exercise clothes and running shoes, nothing enters my mind except doubts of whether I can make it. From the second I start, all I can think about is "when can I quit".  Every inch of my body tells me this is not a good idea and my brain agrees. I'm afraid I'll feel pain, afraid I won't be able to make it, afraid I'll embarrass myself.
I can conjure no image that could make me want to do this.

Endurance
The ability to hold out for the duration, while going through hardship, pain and stress.
Sounds dreadful! Sounds scary!

Endurance is just not my thing, I'm not good at it. It seems too risky to face something I know might drag on for a long time, because I doubt my ability to endure. Doubts of whether I can keep going weigh me down, and make me want to throw up my hands and say "I can't do it anymore". Maybe I'm afraid that I won't be able to endure, maybe I'm lazy and just don't want to work hard. Either way, I would really prefer that you don't test my endurance. I just want everyone, including God, to make it easy for me. That's one of the reasons I don't like weakness hanging around, because I don't like having my endurance put to the test. Weakness tests my endurance, therefore, weakness scares me.

Maybe the thought of endurance and weakness scares you right now.
Maybe you are in a test or trial that has you feeling so weak you doubt whether you can endure it.

How does a pregnant woman who has just been told that her baby is actually a cancerous growth endure the wait to know if it is malignant?
How does any woman endure the hours of labor to deliver a stillborn child?
How do you endure a future without holding the child you had loved and kissed for 5 months, for 2 years?
How does one endure a lifetime of being trapped in a body he can't use? a future of constant pain?
How do you endure the dreaded news of cancer, endure a treatment that is worse than the disease?
How do you endure watching someone you've known and loved all your life slowly be drained of all strength? How do you watch them suffer and die slowly?
How do you endure sexual abuse, betrayal, being dumped or cheated on by the one you love?
How do you endure shame, addiction, the joylessness of depression, the monthly reminder of no pregnancy, the delays in international adoption?

I can put a face to every one of these scenarios, sometimes multiple faces. Yet, they are only a filmy layer on the top of so many stories I have heard, each making me ask the question,
"how could anyone endure that?!"
I'm not a merciful person, but even I find it impossible not to weep over the memories.
My heart literally aches.
How does anyone endure?!

The author of Hebrews says "run with endurance".
I'm not even sure if I can crawl.

You know those scenes in movies where the hero fights against all odds and hardships to finish a race, and there, at the end, is a crowd cheering him on. Can you remember how it made you feel? I think there is something inspirational in seeing someone endure to the end, but what really gets me all emotional and teary eyed is the cheering crowd that has gathered to help bring him home. Seeing all that support gives me such a lift, I could almost swear I was floating.

Revisiting Hebrews.
Let me introduce you to the folks that the author told to run with endurance.
"remember the former days, when, after being enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, partly, by being made a public spectacle through reproaches and tribulations, and partly by becoming sharers with those who were so treated.
For you showed sympathy to the prisoners, and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward." (10:32-36)
Remember
Then the author walks them down the hall of faith for a walk of "rememberies".
"There's Abel," pointing to the picture on one side, "and Enoch next to him. There's Noah," as he gestures to the other side of the hall, "Abraham with Sarah, their son Isaac, grandson Jacob, and great grandson Joseph. Look," he crosses the hall again, "that's Moses, he chose to endure abuse rather than enjoy the limited pleasures of sin. Here, you'll like this, it's a youtube clip of the walls of Jericho falling down. See that woman walking out unscathed? That's Rahab, she's a prostitute." And on and on it goes.
There were so many more! Some mocked and beaten, some imprisoned and in chains.
"They were stoned, sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground." (11:37-38)
All of these endured, but none of them got what was promised.
Why?
Because God had something better for us, and without us, these could not be made perfect.
But they endured!

Hey,
there they are,
can you see them, can you hear them?
They are cheering you on, saying "don't give up"
And look,
 straight ahead.
 It's Jesus!
He's got his hands out saying "You're not alone. I'll never leave you. Come, I'll give you everything you need to run this race. I've gone on before you, I know every step, every pothole, every twisted ankle, every sin that weighs you down.

Oh,
"SINCE WE HAVE SO GREAT A CLOUD OF WITNESSES SURROUNDING US,

let us also lay aside every encumbrance,

and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfecter of faith,

who for the joy set before Him endured the cross,

despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself,

so that you may not grow weary and lose heart."  (12:1-3)

Imagine that!
Now there's an image that motivates, that takes the weight off and makes me feel lighter, that makes me think maybe, just maybe, I can endure. No, not can! It makes me think maybe I will endure.
Maybe, one day, I'll even be able to say that with no "maybees" attached.

Amazing, isn't it, how that image can change everything you are feeling in one split second.
It's the image I need everyday that I wake up with this death sentence.

Who's Got Dibs on Weakness?

"Peter,
Peter,
are you asleep?
Really? you couldn't keep alert for an hour?"
James and John are sleeping too, but Jesus doesn't say their names, only "Peter".

(I wonder why He singles Peter out? Could if it have anything to do with Peter's exaggerated boasting earlier in the night? Might not seem very equatable or fair, but then again, it's Peter who is being broken, isn't it. But I digress from my primary point here.)

Keep watching, Jesus warns them, keep praying so that you won't give in to temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

What do you think is the fountain of weakness?
Would you agree that it originates in the flesh?
If so, I guess it's only fair that flesh gets "dibs" on dealing with it. I guess.

I've never really stopped to examine who is giving me directions for how to handle weakness. How would I know the difference? What does each look like? Does it even matter who, as long as it gets dealt with quickly?

Normally, when I feel weak, something inside me screams resist, resist, resist. I hear in my head, "fight it off", "you're stronger then this", "you don't have time for it", they are expecting you to be strong". The more I resist, the more I turn inward; the more inward I look, the more I sink into a black hole of discouragement. I feel like Gollum in the Hobbit, muttering snarly remarks to myself and slapping my head against a rock. I whine. I pout. I feel sorry for myself. I look pitiful. But hey, I'm dealing with it, right?
Resist weakness.
That sounds spiritual, sounds strong, but who is making the call? Is it of the Spirit? Or is it just a tired old strategy of my flesh?
There appears to be a little trickery of words, a little slight of the hands.
It occurs to me that flesh blurs the lines between weakness and temptation, making it hard for us to tell the difference. What kind of advantage does this little subterfuge give to the flesh?
Well, if I can be distracted into resisting weakness, how likely am I to be distracted away from resisting temptation? I think very. Have you noticed how we can speak of some weaknesses almost with fondness rather than hate? For example, we say we have a weakness towards things like chocolate, or donuts, or a pair of fine eyes. Too weak to resist flirting, kissing, gossiping, sleeping, drinking, binge eating, don't worry about it! It's harmless, it doesn't hurt anyone, you can't help it. "Fight weakness", flesh would tell us, "unless it makes you feel good, then you should make excuses".
Flesh has subtly deceived us into resisting the wrong thing, and as a result, we drop our guard against temptations. We are too distracted to watch and pray.

Still confused by the illusion? Let's see if I can enhance the picture.
On the one hand, we have weakness that makes us feel inadequate, that saps our strength. That's the one we are pretty certain we don't like, the one that hurts our pride.
On the other hand, we have weakness towards pleasure, sin and indulgences (which is really temptations). That's the one we tolerate, the one we find so hard to resist.
Can you spot the trick?
Can you see the difference enough to take a big ole' permanent marker and draw in bold lines again?
Make it clear -
Resist Temptation; Embrace Weakness.

Let's get something straight, Flesh, no more dibs!
Weakness is God's tool!
He's using it to teach me to cross-walk.
You're just using it to make me miserable.

breaking.crushing.rising

No show of weakness is more bitter than when you were expecting yourself to show great strength.

Conversation in the Upper Room
Jesus: you will all fall away, because it is written, 'I will strike down the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered'.
Peter: Oh, not me, even if all these others run away, I won't.
(disciples turn and glare at Peter)
Jesus: Simon, Simon, (sighing deeply)
 Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have been restored, strengthen your brothers.
Peter: Lord, I am ready to go to prison or death with You!
Jesus: No, Peter, actually, this very night before the cock crows you will have denied me three times.
Peter: Not so, I will die first before denying You.

Mark 14:27-31

Luke 22:31-34

How could Peter have been so far off from reality?
Jesus, who knows all hearts, hears all of Peter's bravado and sees right through him. He knows that His impetuous follower is really very weak and will crumple under fear. Why does He not seem dismayed by this? How can he not grow weary with Peter and give up on him?

I think, "You are not as strong as you think you are, Peter. Sure you sliced off an ear in the name of defending the Lord, but when it really mattered, you couldn't even stay awake to pray for Him or acknowledge you even knew Him." Then again, I shouldn't be too quick to throw accusations his way, being that I am just as prone to miscalculate.
In his defense, I'm not sure what shocks me more, that Satan has demanded permission to put Peter through the wringer, or that the Lord gives it to him. At first, I feel a little indignant at setting Peter up to appear weak. Why not let him be strong, why expose him to this humiliation?
Few things can get me more riled up than feeling like I've been set up to fail. I don't like having my weaknesses forced out into the open, put on parade for others to judge me.

Jesus shows compassion, however, reassuring Peter, promising to pray that his faith won't fail.
Do you suppose He does that for us too?
"If you do, Lord, do you think you might be able to change it up a little to pray that I won't fail, because I really hate failing?"
You know what I can hear Him saying to that?
"My grace is enough, for my power is accomplished through your weakness".
Right!
I need to be realistic, Lord, I fail you.
What does that failure say about me?
Why does it discourage me so much?

Jesus promises that something good is to come out of Peter's failure; Peter will strengthen his brothers.
Failure, it would appear, is not the final verdict, not the 'end of it all', as I am likely to perceive it.

My husband and I finally finished what we started 26 years ago and went on our honeymoon to Cozumel this past year. It's funny how we can know something, but not know how little we really know it. I discovered that in the ocean at Cozumel; I came to know, more fully than ever, that God is the Master Creator of color. How I appreciated His incredible design of my eyes to see the vision of His beautiful colors!

This Master Creator and Designer has a vision for our failures!
They are like blank canvases, on which we can choose to pick up the brush and try to paint something by number, or we can choose to hand it over to the Master Painter, who will cover it with vibrant colors and designs.

When I was first writing this, I thought "what was the point of having to crush Peter?"
But then something happened this Sunday at the remembrance supper of the Lord. I was reminded of those words in Isaiah 53 "He was crushed for our iniquities." With shame, I realized that I wasn't standing up for Peter, I was standing up for myself, protesting God's methods of breaking me. Am I really that egotistical?
Could I ever have weakness thrust upon me that would come anywhere close to the weakness that Jesus faced that night?  My Savior would hold back His strength, allowing Himself to be beaten, tortured and mocked, to be falsely accused and sentenced to death by crucifixion.

One of my sweetest childhood memories of my dad is seeing and hearing him hit the chorus of  Ray Overholt's song and boom,
"He could have called ten thousand angels
to destroy the world and set Him free,
He could have called ten thousand angels,
but He died alone for you and me."
Turns out, it was closer to a hundred thousand angel army. matthew 26:53
Uh-huh, that's right, Peter, He didn't need you!

So in the greatest paradox of all, what looked like defeat was really victory!
God "having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This He set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him."
colossians 2

The tears flow now.
I feel so small, and that seems so right.
Then it hits me.

Perhaps, the greatest display of strength isn't really in appearing strong, but in holding it back and allowing yourself to be weak.

Paul's Paradox

"Paradox"
from the Greek "paradoxon"
which means "contrary to expectation".
(according to Merriam Webster online dictionary)

Joining together two concepts to say something that seems absurd.
That's what I think of as a paradox, and that's what I think of Paul's paradox.
"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

It all started with Paul's desperate pleas to be rid of his thorn in the flesh and getting this reply from the Lord.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I wonder how long it took for those words to sink into his heart. Paul must have chewed on them for awhile. He couldn't possibly have reached his "coup de grace" to weakness overnight, reached this, "Most gladly, therefore, I will boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."( 2 Corinthians 12:9-10), in a matter of hours.
Such a decisive blow couldn't have come quickly and easily, for though it threatens all my norms regarding strength and weakness, it never seems to truly crush them.
Will it ever, I wonder? Why do I doubt that it can?

Paul didn't doubt it. He pushed his paradox to the edge of and beyond all that is natural in us. Take, for example, this crazy conclusion he puts at the end of this letter to the Corinthians.
"For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. Your restoration is what we pray for."
Glad when we are weak!
I've never thought of weakness and joy in the same room, much less cozying up on a couch together.
I am familiar with getting deeply discouraged, angry at myself, frustrated at my weakness, but I'm rarely (okay, never) glad about it. Maybe, just maybe, I might say that weakness is tolerable as long as I am in the company of other weaklings, but now, if others look stronger than me, then I get really (tempera)MENTAL. Knowing I've failed or appeared weak sends my mind into a tailspin of self-torturing thoughts. I certainly have never conjured up happy thoughts at those times, never wished others to be stronger.

But the apostle Paul could think and say what appears nearly ludicrous to me, that he would, with all gladness, sweetly take pride, hold his head high, in his weaknesses. He would be well-pleased, be content, think good things about weaknesses, insults, distresses, persecutions, difficulties!

Hold on!
Let's look at those five things again in slow-mo....

WEAK nesses,    IN sults,    dis TRESSes,    per seCUtions,    DIFFicul ties

Hello! That is an exact copy of my list of things to avoid! I thought it looked familiar.

What could make Paul be happy with this?!
Well, apparently, the Lord's words inspired him.
Curious now?
Do you want to take another look at what He said?
Maybe we can find the puzzle pieces to realizing Paul's paradox.

MY grace is enough to satisfy, to make you content,
paradox puzzle piece #1
How content am I with His grace? Do I live as if His grace is enough, always and in every situation?

MY miraculous power and deeds are fulfilled in the weakness that keeps you from being able to accomplish what you want.
paradox puzzle piece #2
Am I willing to give up pride in my own fulfillment in exchange for His?

paradox puzzle piece #3
Flesh cannot take pleasure in weakness because its only desire is self-fulfillment.
Am I taking up my cross daily, crucifying the flesh everyday?

If we keep walking in the flesh, looking at weakness from our perspective, all we'll see is what keeps us from being independent, from being able to do what we want, from being good enough.

In the Spirit, weakness is exactly where God takes what we can't do, to do what only He can.
Paradox puzzle solved. When we are sweetly pleased in our weaknesses, He is most glorified and we are most satisfied.

Well, If I must boast,

In the two letters we have that Paul wrote to the Corinthians, he repeats something he borrowed from the prophet Jeremiah,
"But he who boasts, let him boast in the Lord".

What was it exactly that Jeremiah said?

"Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things," declares the Lord." Jeremiah. 9:23-24

Of himself, Paul says, "If I have to boast, 
I will boast of what pertains to my weakness". 
2 Corinthians 11:30

What was this weakness Paul was talking about?
Whatever it was, he prayed for God to take it away repeatedly, without the result he wanted.

Been there, done that.
I've been in that place many times, asking God, pleading with Him, to relieve me of what makes me feel weak, especially before anyone else notices it.

But for Paul, God did not take it away and people noticed. He was often criticized for not being up to snuff with other visiting preachers. Did that criticism prompt him to beg God to change his weaknesses? Was there some point where he thought all these critics were right and he needed to be fixed?

That's what I would be thinking.
"Fix me God, make me better, or more accurately, make me as good as others."
(Did you see that? Did you see what I was doing, again? I was playing the comparison card. Who keeps slipping them into my hand?)

In the end, Paul realized that his weakness was meant to keep him humble. He discovered, through experience, that his greatest strength came through his weakness.

So it would be logical to conclude...
if strength and power (and I mean the really authentic stuff) were what we wanted, weakness would be better. If we were willing to embrace weakness, we could have super power at our disposal.

But we aren't, are we?
We aren't willing to appear weak to the rest of the world.
Why is that?
Because our goal isn't really true strength, but rather the appearance of strength.
And that my friends is our pride taking charge, our flesh exerting dominance.

If I were walking in the Spirit, I would say like Paul,
"if I have to brag, then I'm gonna brag about everything that makes me look weak".
Sound ridiculous?
Seem backwards?
Yep,
but we should be used to this by now.
Everything about walking in the Spirit doesn't "make sense" to our natural selves.

In the flesh, I'm too proud to be weak, but in the Spirit, I will talk about my weaknesses as if I were proud of them, not to bring glory to myself, but to bring glory to God.

Obviously, it would be annoying and unedifying if I constantly bragged about my weaknesses, so please do not think that is what I am recommending. Besides, most of the time when we broadcast our weaknesses, it's just because we are fishing for positive comments to boost us up.
True boasting is in the Lord! Therefore, our speech should bring glory to Him, not to ourselves.

However, Paul's 180 approach to weaknesses must dramatically change the way I see them and react to them. To boast in my weaknesses means they are no longer a source of shame, it means that they should not frustrate, nor anger, nor cause me to despair, it means that I no longer hate what makes me feel weak. To boast in my weaknesses is to stop taking pride in my strengths, and to the contrary, take pride in my weaknesses.

Think about the things you want others to see you do, those things you secretly hope to hear others credit you with brilliance, those things that make you feel just a little bit more superior, those great things you've accomplished.
If you could, you would brag about them,
a little.
Maybe you already do.

Now think about your weaknesses in the same way.
Rather than inferior, think of your weaknesses as what commends you to greatness in the Lord.
Rather than shameful, think of them as glorifying God.
Rather than hate them, rejoice in them.

If I had fuses in my brain, they'd be blowing right now.

Boasting in my weaknesses saps power from my flesh, causing it to die just a little bit more, and taking me one step closer to cross-walking.