Deer Feet

Habakkuk wanted God to come fix the wickedness all around him, so he complained.
Or, as I prefer to call it, he stated his opinion.
The Lord comes back with, "Look around, be amazed, you won't believe what I'm planning". Okay, you've got my attention now, what is it? The Lord says, "I am going to raise up the dreaded Chaldeans to invade and destroy." How's that for punishing wickedness?
Habakkuk may be wondering if his complaint has backfired, because he questions the Lord, 'Do you think it's really right that such an evil people should destroy one that is more righteous?"
The thought of being invaded by the Chaldeans caused him to shake violently with fear, and his legs to be so wobbly, they can barely support him. He decides to describe his feelings in a song.

"I hear, and my body trembles;

my lips quiver at the sound;

rottenness enters into my bones;

my legs tremble beneath me.

Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble 

to come upon people who invade us.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail 

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold 

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

GOD, the Lord, is my strength;

he makes my feet like the deer’s;

he makes me tread on my high places."

Habakkuk 3:16-19

Fear has made Habakkuk weak, but somehow, even in that frightened and weakened condition, he manages to accept the circumstances. Though neither the instrument God uses, nor the inevitable removal of blessing will be pleasant, Habakkuk declares that he will wait quietly.
How in the world is he able to do this?
He chooses Joy, even though all he feels is fear. He isn't going to wait until circumstances change, or until he feels something different. He claims his joy on the basis of his God who saves, who is in total control, who is right in all that He does. And what does joy in the Lord give him?
Feet like a deer.

You may not like God's tools for helping you die to self, I'm certain my flesh doesn't, but if you want to walk by the Spirit, this is His plan. Getting on board with His plan doesn't mean you need to go looking for weakness, suffering and humility. That's like saying to him, "Okay, Lord, I get it now, I can take it from here." It isn't really up to you to decide how or when or where or through whom the Lord will bring these things into your life, all you need to do is accept them when the Lord does. Know that He will.
Trials are hard! They drag on longer than we would like, make us feel weaker, and make us feel afraid.
Crazy Joy is easy, lasts forever, makes you strong and makes you secure. Unlike the human kind we are usually seeking, crazy joy is never a feeling, never a fake, always a reality in the Lord.
Who wouldn't want that?

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, 

when you encounter various trials, 

knowing that the testing of your faith 

produces endurance,

 and let endurance have its perfect result, 

that you may be perfect and complete, 

lacking in nothing."

James 1:2

Jesus said, 

"these things I have spoken to you, 

that My joy may be in you, 

and that your joy may be made full."

John 15:11

"Now may the God of hope fill you 

with all joy and peace in believing, 

that you may abound in hope 

by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

Hope like an anchor!
Joy like a fortress!
Does that not shout stability and safety to you?

Crazy Joy

Against all odds, against three crafty enemies, against fear of death, sleepless nights, threat of bodily harm, tricks and lies, Nehemiah can talk about joy!

His book reads like a journal, a detailed account of how the Lord led him to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem, and of all the trials and resistance he encountered throughout the 52 days it took to build it.
Now Nehemiah faced three nasty and persistent opponents, Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite and Geshem the Arab. These three openly mocked and ridiculed Nehemiah for his plan to rebuild the wall. His enemies were as determined to stop him, as he was to finish the job.
Their taunts were sharp; their threats were frightening; their lies and tricks were intimidating.
Nehemiah didn't sit down and whine about the unfairness, didn't run and hide, didn't give up or give in, didn't mope. Instead, he led the people by example, made plans for their protection, kept the workers going, took care of their needs, and always prayed to God. These weren't long prayers, either, just simple "God, make me strong" prayers, and back to work he went.
But perhaps, the most incredible thing Nehemiah did was introduce them to a Crazy Joy.

All the people had gathered at the Water Gate, because the wall was done! Ezra now stood above them on a wooden platform, and read the law to them from early morning til noon. Many were hearing, for the first time, the words of God, and a tremendous revival spread throughout the crowd. There was a whole lot of weeping in response to what they were understanding, when Nehemiah calls for it all to stop. Stop hurting, stop feeling sorry, stop crying, stop being sad!
"Excuse me! Are you minimizing my pain?"
No, that's not what the people said, but you know, that is what I say, when I feel that someone is cutting off my expression of pain and sadness.
When I feel bad, when I feel sorry for myself, I think that, by default, I have to feel sad. Isn't that the way it works? When I hurt, my pain is real to me, so I want others to affirm that pain, to tell me I'm right to be sad. It insults my pride to be told to get over my sadness, before I'm ready. Do you think I can turn on the happy faucet anytime I want to? Well, I don't want to. I want to keep the right to hurt, because it says that my pain is legitimate. Besides, how will anyone know how sad I am, and feel sorry for me, if I don't show it?

For Nehemiah and the people, there will be plenty of weeping and confessing in 23 days, but they would not be doing it on this day. This was the day to go enjoy lots of rich, fatty food and sweet drinks, as well as make sure everyone else had enough happy food, because this day was holy, set apart for the Lord.
Do you think their feelings changed instantly? Probably not. So then, why do I think that I have to feel happy before I can be happy?

When I was severely depressed, I felt no joy. Many mornings I stood in the shower sobbing, water mixing with the tears that covered my face, but no matter how much water washed over me, it wouldn't take all that sadness away. We had this waterproof cd player for the shower, and one morning, as I leaned my head against the wall sobbing silently, the words to a song broke through and I heard, "We are all as happy as we make up our minds to be, I have just decided that nothing's gonna take this joy from me, it's a good day even if things aren't going my way. Jesus is Lord and I am saved!"*
What a concept! I could decide that joy was going to stay in my day because Jesus was Lord! I was saved, wasn't that enough reason to rejoice? It was like God had hung down a life saver for me, as He had done many times before, I believe, only this time I saw it and clung to it. Something had changed, and for the first time, I had a new plan to make joy my choice each day, no matter what.

The story of Nehemiah tells me that, not only can we choose to stop being sad and be glad, we really should do it. It's kind of crazy, I know, but it works.
Hey, I haven't even told you yet what Nehemiah's crazy joy is!
This is it, "the joy of the LORD is your strength."
"Oh", you say, "is that all?"
Don't be fooled, you may think these words are simple, but there is more to them than meets the eye. Behind those first appearances are words of deeper meaning. Nehemiah says this joy is in Yahweh, backing up our joy with the highest name possible God uses for Himself. What's more, the strength of this joy is not the kind you normally associate with the word, but actually means fortress, a refuge, our stronghold, or safe place. The joy of the LORD is your fortress. The joy of the LORD builds walls of protection around you.
Does that sound like the kind of joy that you feel, the kind of joy you can find inside of you?
That doesn't really sound like any kind of joy I know!
If you want strength in weakness, you are going to want this kind of Crazy Joy, and don't think you can't have it.

*song by FFH

Soul Anchor

Hope is a powerful thing.
The tiniest thread of hope is enough to keep us holding on against the craziest odds. If you are hoping a guy likes you...well, let's just say that it doesn't take much hope to start the wedding plans in your mind, does it? Toss us a crumb, and we'll hold on to the hope that our mother will love us the way mother's should, or our dad will step up and protect us like father's ought to. Here's hoping that the boyfriend who dumped you will come back,  or that, this time, I really am pregnant, or that, this time, things will be different.
A tiny drop of this hope stuff is like super glue.

When I started this chapter on weakness, I knew that I wanted to include something about our High Priest understanding our weaknesses, but I never expected to be camping out in Hebrews so much. It seemed that when I tried to pull that one strand out, I couldn't separate it from the rest of the book.

So I'm back in Hebrews again, this one last time, I think.

Jesus is a priest according to the Melchizedekan order.
Do you know what that means?
It means he is a priest forever, and it means that his priesthood came with an oath, an oath God swore by himself, because no one is greater than Him.
"The Lord has sworn
and will not change His mind
Thou art a priest forever."
You may think, "that's nice", "not quite sure why that is important to me"?

It's like this, life has a way of tossing you about like a beach ball on the ocean. You need an anchor, something to hold you steady and sure, to stop you from being bounced about.
This Melchizedekan priesthood comes with a hope, the size and weight of an anchor, not at all like this tiny, thin, fragile hope, that keeps us holding on to something or someone, that isn't even good for us.
This one comes with a high priest that lives forever.
Forever: ever lasting, has no end, won't run out, never stops, never quits, goes on forever, (which is longer than our finite brains are capable of imagining).
This one comes with a promise, an oath, from God that He will never leave you, never give up on you, and God doesn't lie or change his mind.

Read and decide for yourself.
"In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, in order that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we may have strong encouragement, we who have fled for refuge in laying hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek." Hebrews 6:17-20
"and has become such not on the basis of a law of physical requirement, but according to the power of an indestructible life." 7:16
What's more, previous priests were always being replaced because they died, but Jesus, "because He abides forever, holds His priesthood permanently. Hence also He is able to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them." 7:24-25

Jesus Christ, My High Priest, gives me free and confident access right to the presence of God, access He bought for me with His own blood, through the sacrifice of His own body. And with Him, where He has gone right up to heaven, I have a hope so sure, so trustworthy, it is like an anchor for my soul. What a beautiful, beautiful thing it is for a soul, caught in a raging storm, to find itself secured to an anchor that will not budge!  What soul, blinded and confused by changing circumstances, insecurities  unreliable relationships, disappointments, sicknesses, lost jobs, doesn't long for such a hope!

Because He lives forever, He saves forever.
Because He lives, He intercede for me, forever and always.
His life is indestructible, therefore my hope is indestructible!

The Lord designs trials for us to reveal our weaknesses, to break us, which in turn, build our endurance.  That cross on your back is going to make you wobbly, it's going to make you weak, it's going to feel like suffering, it's going to humble you. That is what you can expect to experience when learning to crosswalk. If you haven't already started to, you will, and when you do, you are going to want an anchor.
That hope of eternal life in Christ is your soul anchor.

They say,
"Our bones are dried up, and our hope is perished."
The Lord says,
"Can these bones live?"
And right before Ezekiel's eyes, he saw a valley covered in dry, white bones come to life; he heard the thundering noise of all those bones clacking against each other as they joined together. Eventually, standing before him, was a huge army, each one put together with 206 bones!
You know what all those rattling bones say to me?
They say "Hope is alive!"
Ezekiel 37

Two Sisters and a Funeral

Enter Martha.
She muttered to herself, as she mercilessly chopped at the figs, the current target of her frustration. Was all that noisy "comforting" really necessary? She couldn't see the joy in their coming, since it meant that she had to slave away in this hot kitchen.
Someone poked their head in and said excitedly, "Did you hear? Jesus has been seen on the road!"
She dropped her hands and leaned on the table where she had been chopping figs, her shoulders slumped a little as a big sigh escaped from her barely open lips. She was relieved he had finally come, definitely relieved, but at the same time, she couldn't help feeling just a little bit bitter that he hadn't come sooner. Her lips tightened. If he had just come when she sent for him, Lazarus would still be alive, and she wouldn't have to worry about the future for her and her sister. Suddenly she straightened her back. "What are you doing standing here?", she scolded herself, "you know you'd much rather have him here, than that room full of mourners from Jerusalem." She hesitated for a moment, thinking of the disaster that could occur if she left all the food still cooking. "Let it burn," she impulsively decided, and dashed out the door to meet him.
Eyes glued to Jesus as she ran, she stopped just short of bumping into him, and blurted, "if you had been here, Lord, my brother would not have died." Did she detect just a little tone of accusation in her voice? She hadn't meant for it to sound that way. "I know God gives you anything you ask for", she said, hoping that would sweeten the sour note of her words.
"Your brother will rise again", Jesus said reassuringly.
"Yes I know that, and it is indeed a great comfort, knowing he will rise again on the last day", she replied.
But was it really? She had heard this consolation so many times, believed it even, but did it really comfort her heart right now? Did knowing about the resurrection change how she was feeling about losing her brother?
Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life, believe in Me and you'll live, believe in Me and you'll never die. Do you believe Martha?"
"Yes Lord, I believe You are the Christ, the Son of God, the One we've been waiting for. I believe."
So why didn't she feel better. Was that all He had to offer her? She turned away, "it's enough, for now", she thought.
Jesus watched her back, as she walked away, his head shaking slightly. She hadn't understood what He was offering.

Do you sometimes fear that all you will find, when you come to God in the midst of your pain, is doctrine and platitudes? Are you ever afraid that Christianity will disappoint you, that the Bible will leave you feeling empty? Do you wonder if you are missing something?
For some, doctrinal truth is exactly what they need to hear, the perfect anchor for not being blown about in their storm. But for others, knowing the truth doesn't seem to calm the seas. They have no trouble believing, it's just that their feelings refuse to follow. They may conclude that God is not in touch with how they feel, wonder if He is even real.

I know that feelings can never take the place of my faith, that what I believe can never be born out of how I feel. It's a good thing too, since my feelings are about as predictable as the wind, and just as changeable. Faith based on how I feel is a scary thought, indeed. That would be like building a house on a swinging bridge or over a sinkhole. I used to actually trust my feelings, until I learned that no truth could be found in them.
But in driving a wedge between the two, what have I done with my feelings? Have I pushed them into a room where I believe God doesn't want to enter? Have I settled for thinking that I can only relate to Him through doctrine and concluded that God is not interested in how I feel, that my feelings don't matter to Him? Am I resigned to forever carrying the burden of my feelings on my own?
"Oh, ... how much you miss!" said Anne to Marilla.

Does doctrine make a difference? Absolutely!
Do my feelings matter to God? Just as much!

Enter Mary.
Four days had passed since Lazarus had died, and still, she couldn't believe it. She missed him terribly, missed his voice, missed his strength. Looking around the room, she took in and stored away in her mind each of the friends and family that had come the distance to be here and grieve with her. Their tear streaked faces, their wailing voices made her feel better somehow, as if they were absorbing some of her own grief. It was good to not be alone, if only..., "no," she insisted, "Jesus would have come, if he could have." He loved Lazarus too. He might still come. She hoped he would. His presence would bring such comfort.
"Mary", someone gently tapped her shoulder, "your sister is asking for you."
My sister, Martha, dear Martha. "I wish sometimes that she could understand me, cry with me," she thought, "but I'm glad, at least, that I don't have to go through this alone."
"The Teacher is here, he wants to see you," Martha whispered in her ear.
Joy swelled up within her, so intensely, that she nearly fell over as she jumped up. It was such a relief to know he had arrived. Tears blurred her vision as she ran. She longed to bring her pain and sadness to him, knew that he would know what was in her heart. He was like that, always seeing right through her, always knowing just the right thing to say.
She saw him and immediately clung to his feet. Smiling, she thought of all the hours she had spent at those feet, and of the costly perfume she was keeping just for them. But then she remembered Lazarus, and she felt the knife in her chest again.
"Lord, if you had been here," she sobbed, "my brother would not have died." At first, her tears choked her throat, but then, they broke through with loud gut-wrenching cries. "When would this pain stop, when would she run out of tears", she wondered.
Mary's grief moved Jesus deeply. "Where have you put him?", he managed to ask, before weeping silent tears, serene tears in comparison to the wailing laments of those around him.

Why did Jesus respond so differently to these two sisters? Why did one get truth and the other get tears? Did He know exactly what they each needed in their own different way?

I have tended to relegate the teaching in Hebrews about my Great High Priest into a purely theological issue. I hear the words "high priest" and immediately think of  an office no longer in use, in a system of animal sacrifice no longer practiced, exciting for those who love to debate theology, or argue doctrine, but empty of anything that might encourage my soul. I know what Christ has done for me in the past; I'm certain of what He will do for me in the future.

How certain am I, that what He is doing for me right now, is exactly what I need?

Mary got sympathy, Martha is about to get one more mouth to feed.
Oh, this is going to be exciting!
John 11

Now that you Know What you Have

When you know you have something, It changes things.
Sometimes it changes everything.

Like knowing you have cancer.
It changes your future, your choices, your thoughts, your hope. Nothing around you has changed, but suddenly you see everything differently. A little while ago you wanted to bite someone's head off, now you can't even remember why. That morning's irritations  become insignificant, yesterday's quarrels and squabbles become irrelevant.
You wonder how you could have worried about such "mole hills".
Living takes on a new focus, because life has become fragile. Where before, time was twiddled away, now every minute is precious.
Now you know what you have and life will never be the same.

"Now that we know what we have"
says The Message in Hebrews 4:14

The author is telling us we have a Great High Priest, and knowing that should change things.
Maybe everything!

Jesus became like one of us so that He would be a merciful and faithful high priest.
What exactly does a high priest do?
I'm not really used to having one.

The High Priest of old was chosen by God, and He chose only one man at a time to serve at that post.
This high priest prayed for the people, he was the one who represented the people before God, the only man allowed to enter into the Holiest of Holies. Even then, he alone went in once a year to make atonement for the sins of the people. Once a year, he entered through the veil with a blood sacrifice, once a year, the guilt of the people was taken and placed on the scapegoat, once a year, sins were covered.

Imagine having no other access to God except through one man.
What would that man be worth to you?

"sympathesai"
That's the word the author of Hebrews uses to describe what Jesus, my High Priest, can do for me.
It means that he can fellow feel with me.
It means that he is affected with the same feeling that affects me.

I'm best at feeling sorry for myself, but every now and then I can feel sorry for someone else who is going through difficult trials. That's usually what I think sympathize means, to feel sorry for someone.
I can say I'm sorry, but to say I know how you feel would only wound you more. Pity feels compassionate, but it fails to reach the depth of another's pain, agony or weakness.

What a big difference it makes to be able talk to someone who is able to feel exactly what you feel?
You see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice.
You just know that they know,
and instantly you feel comforted, feel like you're not alone, feel like there is hope.

It was the last meeting of the last day at a ladies retreat in the Sierra Nevadas, when someone announced "would you please go to the office, your husband needs to talk to you." As usual, I was talking and missed part of the announcement. Was that my name that had just been called? I glanced at my friend, and her worried look confirmed it. She insisted on walking with me to the office. Along the way, we talked about what it could be, but I couldn't imagine anything serious. I didn't want to believe it was bad news, even though only emergency calls were allowed. I picked up the phone, aware that my friend stared anxiously at me. I stared back, barely able to get out two words, "it's bad", before sobbing became the only sound I could make. I knew now that my dad had died of a massive heart attack and everything had changed. Steel bands gripped my heart and I thought I would never feel again. I thanked God for my friend, for her merciful sympathy when I needed her, but now I felt like something was missing, like I was waiting for something more.
We drove down the mountain to home, and I was waiting.
We got in the car and drove four hours to southern California, I was still waiting.
We flew to North Carolina, rented a car and drove three more hours to Roanoke, and still waiting.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, we pulled up to the house where my brother lived, where my dad had last spoken, had held the last grandchild he would know, and I knew what I had been waiting for. At the sight of my mom and my five siblings pouring out the door one by one, I breathed again and those steel bands around my heart popped off. I hadn't realized they were there, didn't know that I wasn't breathing. As I felt their arms holding me back together again, I was never so grateful to have been blessed with so many. I knew instantly that they knew exactly how I felt, and the release I experienced was incredible.
They were just as affected by my dad's leaving this world as I was; their loss, their grief, was identical to mine.
We didn't have to say it.
We just felt it.
We were all of the same fellowship of feelers now.
I didn't know that such comfort was even possible.

"we do not have a high priest who cannot "sympathesai" with our weaknesses"

Do you realize what this means?
Can you comprehend the impact on your feelings?
That person you've been longing for actually exists.
You know the one I'm talking about, the one you thought couldn't exist because you have been let down, disappointed, disillusioned so many times by the very ones you've trusted. Now you're afraid to trust again, afraid to let yourself believe.
But believe you must!

Jesus, My High Priest, is full of compassion, understands all my weak points,
never loses His patience with me, even when I act like an idiot.
He loads me up with grace and mercy, all I could ever need to endure hardship, especially when I have nothing left.
My high priest can actually say "I know how you feel", and mean it!

So hey, now that you know,
 just walk up there like you own the place!

^smile^