Is hating yourself the mark of a dead man walking?
Jesus said, "If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:26-27.
On the surface, this would appear to say "yes"; self-hatred is a mark of the disciple who carries his own cross. I would agree with this whole-heartedly if I thought, for one moment, that my self-hate led to self-denial or death to self.
The same context put differently in Matthew 10:37, "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me", flips the perspective on this meaning of hate. It would seem that, by comparison, my love for Jesus should make the love I have for others, or for myself, look like hate. Well then, if by hating myself, I gained even an ounce of more love for Jesus, I might agree that self-hate has spiritual benefit. Sadly, the self-hate that is born out of self-pity is really just a twisted form of self-love. In fact, and you know this to be true, no amount of hating yourself ever produced more love in you for someone else. That's because the focus is all on ME! I don't really want to die to self, I want to remake me, fix me, be proud of me, and when that doesn't happen, I'm back to poor, pitiful me. I like it here, so don't make me move!
Which do you think comes first, self-pity or self-hatred? Answer: neither one. The true root of both is pride. Pride makes me feel sorry for myself, makes me feel discouraged about myself. Because of pride, I cling to my sin, to my desires, to my guilt. Because of pride, I love myself more than I love God.
Do you want to hate something? Hate your pride; nail it to that cross you carry as you follow Jesus.
